Weekend Predictions: Dogs, Jackets win easily, Falcons finally go down

chalk

Welcome back to Weekend Predictions, where by going 10-3 against the spread last week we again validated our mission statement, which is to put you on the road to financial freedom by providing valuable insight into the complex world of sports investment strategy and international markets, although I’m not really sure what an international market is, possibly a Winn Dixie just outside of Tuscany.

Providing this 100-percent guaranteed (give or take) advice means sometimes looking at news items outside the sports world, such as this statement from Groper In Chief Donald Trump. On Thursday, Trump took a break from alienating every possible life form in our solar system — with the possible exception of those 12 people who still believe he’s fit to run the country, control nuclear weapons and operate their boiled peanuts empire — to utter this after a woman fainted in his audience: “That woman was out cold, and now she’s coming back. See, we don’t go by these new, and very much softer, NFL rules. Concussions … uh, oh, got a little ding on the head? No, no, you can’t play for the rest of the season …”

Recent Weekend Predictions results affirms our mission. (via consciouslifenews.com)

Recent Weekend Predictions results affirms our mission. (via consciouslifenews.com)

I would love to put Trump in touch with some who’ve suffered from head trauma and CTE. Unfortunately, they are dead. I know. Convenient.

Imagine how much better our choices would be if Washington adopted the NFL’s concussion protocol.

Speaking of choices . . . (note to aspiring journalists: transitions are easy).

This week, Georgia plays its homecoming game against Vanderbilt. The only thing more common in the SEC than “homecoming game against Vanderbilt” is “homecoming game against Kentucky.” They’re quite popular. And TOTALLY hot. (Sorry, I was channeling someone else.)

The Dogs aren’t a great team. I’m not even sure yet if they’re a good team. But they can run the ball now, which could be enough to carry them in that direction. Certainly this week.

The line is 14. I’m lucid. Dogs win and the line is covered.

NFL puts Trump and Ron Burgundy in concussion protocol

Sack Schultz 2016

Week 6 update: Last week’s winners/cheaters were out-of-staters Jamie O’Neill of Springfield, Ill., and Wesley Moore of West Union, S.C., both of whom went 14-1. There are five contestants tied for the overall lead with 69 wins through six weeks, the halfway point. You can still win weekly prizes and are eligible for the grand prizes: tickets to the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl and/or a $2,500 Apple Vacation. Go to MyAJC.com/go/sackschultz2016 to register.

Fraternity Row

Alabama rolls into Knoxville on Saturday.

Alabama rolls into Knoxville on Saturday.

GaSouthern at Georgia Tech: The Jackets’ three straight losses (Clemson, Miami, Pitt) means they’re on a 2-10 run in the ACC since 2015, which isn’t a good way to impress a new boss. Beating Southern won’t quiet the barbarians at the gate. But maybe they’ll at least break for lunch. Or a pint of blood and a pound of flesh. Tech covers 10½.

Alabama at Tennessee: This rivalry is known as the “Third Saturday in October,” because “The Day Alabama Throws Us Into A Mulcher And Spreads Us Around The Plants At The Knoxville Bojangles” apparently wasn’t acceptable to both sides. Good news for the Vols fans who’ve been stressed out by so many close calls: You’ll have plenty of time to drink some calming tea as Bama slowly puts you to sleep this week. Tide covers 13.

Wake Forest at Florida State: Wake Forest’s five wins have come over Tulane, Duke, Delaware, Indiana and Syracuse. Too scared to schedule Montessori? Seminoles cover 21.

Missouri at Florida:  Florida has agreed to the SEC’s request to reschedule the Florida-LSU game for Nov. 19 in Baton Rouge in exchange for Florida getting next year’s game in Gainesville. It’s a huge relief to conference commissioner Greg Sankey, who was starting to look like the post-Mike Slive Phil Bengston in the SEC office. (Kids: Google.) Gators win but take Mizzou and 13½.

North Carolina at Miami: Mark Richt this week dismissed a freshman receiver for “multiple violations of the team Code of Conduct.” The Miami Code of Conduct was discovered only recently in an abandoned warehouse under a stack of old Pell Grant applications, Luther Campbell records and Jimmy Hoffa. Canes cover 7½.

Wake deserves a fish-slapping

Mississippi at Arkansas: An Arkansas fan was arrested last week for yelling profanities and verbally abusing coach Bret Bielema after a loss to Alabama, which wouldn’t be huge news except for the fact the guy was a drunk Arkansas professor, which come to think of it might not be big news after all. And the farm animals cover their face in shame. Ole Miss covers 8.

Duke at Louisville: Three years after playing for the ACC title, Duke has lost to Wake Forest, Northwestern and Virginia. Ah, feels like old times. A whopper of a spread but Bobby Petrino likes to go out of his way to crush pill bugs on the way to his office. Cardinals cover 35.

Liberty at Kennesaw State: It’s a Big South opener and it’s so big that it’s on ESPN 3. (ESPN 8, “The Ocho,” was showing Big South dodgeball.) Liberty’s chancellor and deeply disturbed offspring Jerry Falwell Jr. endorsed Trump, causing Liberty alum and Tallahassee church leader Dean Serra to comment, “I think evangelicals, at times, can be a cheap political date. Hey, he said that. Liberty wins but take KSU plus 7.

Meanwhile, on ESPN 8 (“The Ocho”)

NFL Six Pack (I drank one)

Falcons at Seahawks: Some have been slow to accept that the Falcons are any good because of, well, most of 51 years of history. But to discount a 4-1 start and a win at Denver in a schedule that many believed would turn this team into some unrecognizable, post-apocalyptic, blob seems kind of silly. That said, playing Seattle on the tail end of a 10-day trip when the Seahawks are coming off a bye . . . duck. Seattle covers 6½.

49ers at Bills: Big week for Colin Kaepernick. He’s starting, which means he’ll have to stand up. Bills cover 8.

Cowboys at Packers: The Cowboys have a great thing going with Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott. It’s almost enough to make you forget that Jerry Jones has gone months without signing a convicted felon, like Greg Hardy, who’s joining MMA. He must really believe he’s in shape because he’s fighting men this time. Packers cover 4.

Bengals at Patriots: Tom Brady’s first day out on parole: 406 yards passing and three touchdowns against Cleveland. But this week he has to play an NFL team. Patriots cover 9.

Panthers at Saints: Did you know that Carolina, 15-1 last season and 1-4 this year, has never had consecutive winning seasons? There must be an old Smith family gene in there somewhere. Take the gift 3 but Saints win straight up.

P&L Statement

profitlossriskdecisionoutcomelg“You know you have a gambling problem when it’s 4 a.m. at the Mirage sports book and you’re walking around going, ‘Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'”–Artie Lange

Last week (you’re welcome): 10-3 straight up, 10-3 against the line.

Bottom dollars: 57-21 straight up, 42-33-3 against the line.

Lilly’s pick: The mutt has become mediocre, losing with the Broncos’ pick last week to fall to 3-3. Considering buying a goldfish for future picks. Until then, she had a choice of hotdog chunks with Mr. Commodore on the left and Uga on the right. Lilly pondered then went right. Dogs win.

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“Feel the dog. Be the dog. Dogs win.” (Jeff Schultz / jschultz@ajc.com)

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Some recent ramblings

Reader Comments 0

291 comments
Okeetee
Okeetee

You know why the Falcons are going to WIN Sunday's game against the Seaducks? Because they are playing against the DUMBEST coach in the entire NFL!  We are talking about a head coach that GAVE AWAY a Superbowl!  Just GAVE IT AWAY!  Passing on 2nd down from the 1/2 yard line with the best fullback in the league in his backfield?  We just put a good coach in the Hospital with a migraine headache trying to figure out a way to stop our offense! We’ll put Pete Carroll in a coma trying to stop “me and Julio down by the school yard” and his play mates!

GTBee
GTBee

Georgia stinks Jeff. You haven't figured that out yet??

OH:IO
OH:IO

Hey TO,


Found this:


GT-Vandy: 38-7 GT

UGA-Vandy 17-16 Vandy

Who's the Better Team?

GTBee
GTBee

GT is by far the better school. Always was, always will be. Both teams stink in football. Vs Vandy, we stunk less. THWG!!

Grant1296
Grant1296

Hey Caryd..

Your sister is coming on to you...

Gotta love it...

OH:IO
OH:IO

Lot's of Bamagasms being spouted by Verne and Danielson. 


Makes me miss Tebow and Caleb Sturgis.

LOGS1973
LOGS1973

Jeff, now you know for sure that the dogs aren't a great team!

You also now know they aren't a good team and in fact 

are a very weak team..

Grant1296
Grant1296

Anyone who expected UGA to be good this year is almost as dumb as you Moron 1973... Silver lining..They are more than good enough to beat the pathetic team Mr Greenjeans puts on the field....

WE RUN THIS STATE.

Grant1296
Grant1296

It's only a matter of time Techeye...I can wait..

Your jackets are going nowhere ...doesn't Moron 1973 kinda remind you of 350?

I know, I know.... You would never diss one of your BUG sisters...

GTBee
GTBee

Huh? You UGA fans think you will compete for the NC every year. Now that you lose, you're now saying you all expected them to stink!? Lol. Hypocrites. Eat it! THWG! Way to go Vandy!!

Grant1296
Grant1296

You have never seen me post anything about a NC dim wit..

You're a pathetic jealous BUG.. I will post this ...

UGA is plenty good enough to beat GT all over the field.. You have such a formidable high school offense...

OH:IO
OH:IO

The OC called and wants to know when the Denny's Buffet opens in the morning. 

OH:IO
OH:IO

@DawgNole


I figured there would be a post-game dinner then  he could hit The Varsity drive-through on the way home. 

Grant1296
Grant1296

Your head coach called... Wondering when the ICU is open.

Fake heart attack coming on.. Michigan is too much to take...

OH:IO
OH:IO

Perhaps dog in an hole is right about crowing about the dogs losing. 


It's  happened so often the last few years it's just not quite the fun it used to be.


Yet Vandy? It brings the fun level to new heights. 

TOJacket
TOJacket

Dawg -a-doodle-doo!!!!!!!

DawgNole
DawgNole

@OH:IO

Hell, it only happened 3 years ago.

Gettin' to be damn near commonplace.

One L to the commode doors is like 10 to most other teams.

TOJacket
TOJacket

12/13.......Wally........bush......dawgphlem.....Birdsquirt.........LOL!

DawgNole
DawgNole

@OH:IO

Guess he went the way of ThomAss Brown and tampongator.

DawgNole
DawgNole

@TOJacket

Chirping and running that yap again, eh--as if you had anything to brag about.

OH:IO
OH:IO

@TOJacket


Don't forget dog 350, wherever and whoever he might be.

OH:IO
OH:IO

@DawgNole @TOJacket


I'm on a Mac. How do I get italics and BOLD to work?


I may want to highlight the fact that you're swallowing. 

TOJacket
TOJacket

Ms. Landers......Where are the adult dawg posters?......I don't care to sit at the kids table.

DawgNole
DawgNole

@TOJacket

Maybe you should venture over to DawgNation with the other Facebook fairies.

TOJacket
TOJacket

BwaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

DawgNole
DawgNole

@TOJacket

Of all the dolts who have ZERO to crow about when UGA loses, you're right there at the top of the list.

TOJacket
TOJacket

Why don't you go play x-box or something?

DawgNole
DawgNole

@OH:IO

You do have ZERO to crow about?

OK, but you're well below TOJ on the list.

DawgNole
DawgNole

@TOJacket

Still struggling with that Reply function, twit?

It's not that difficult--even for a moron.

TOJacket
TOJacket

Is losing to Vandy part of the new "Culture"?

OH:IO
OH:IO

@TOJacket


Just wait until the dogs break their attendance record at next year's Spring Game. 



OH:IO
OH:IO

What's so great about the dogs losing a noon snoozer to Vanderbilt is all the National networks will be showing the score to the NATION for the rest of the day and night.



skeeter1
skeeter1

Never seen a worse coaching job week after week. Richt was never this bad!

OH:IO
OH:IO

Seems that NC State needs kicker too. 

skeeter1
skeeter1

Time for wholesale changes. Coaching staff, athletic director and president have to go.

LuxLucisofVerum
LuxLucisofVerum

If you're a UGA fan you have to just swallow this one. This coaching staff is totally inept. Period. 

LOGS1973
LOGS1973

@DawgNole @LuxLucisofVerum Maybe you can reschedule Nicholls State.. A sure dog win, right?

Think positive and only wish you were a Nole fan.

GO ACC..................

OH:IO
OH:IO

@DawgNole


I'n not sure I'd say that. There are a lot of folks that might take that the wrong way. 

DawgNole
DawgNole

@LOGS1973

I'm a Nole fan at this moment--hoping for a split of today's festivities.

DawgNole
DawgNole

@OH:IO @DawgNole

Not surprised that you're one of them.

I'm swallowing a loss to the SEC's doormat, and it's hurtin'.

DawgNole
DawgNole

@OH:IO @DawgNole

Swallowed a loss to Vanderbilt. Still haven't got it down, though.

So the appropriate term would be "swallowing."