Weekend Predictions: Dogs in middle of Dysfunction Junction

Lilly is going with the struggling Doggies.

Hello, and welcome back to Dysfunction Junction, where Georgia is losing, coaches are fighting, Greg McGarity is evading, Brian Schottenheimer is turtling and Mark Richt felt compelled to set Mr. Mutant Twitter Reporter straight Thursday by Tweeting back at him: “Just so everyone knows, Jeremy Pruitt is our defensive coordinator and is in the office working diligently getting ready for Kentucky!”

I like the exclamation point. It makes the Kentucky game seem almost important. Like it’s basketball.

Richt’s Tweet followed a fake Tweet that was floated from (not really) Jeremy Pruitt’s Twitter account, as if he had been fired, possibly after he punched another coach, or two, or six, depending on the rumor: “When one door closes, another door opens. Those who are complacent with mediocrity are doomed to stay there.”

fakepruitttweet

The fake Tweet was almost poetic.

Also true.

It has been such a great week in Athens, with reports of dissension, dysfunction and eventual dissolution of the coaching staff that it’s easy to forget Richt suspended two players for marijuana.

1164163076_0602247ef3Remember the good ol’ days in Athens, when arrests and drug suspensions were the only things you had to worry about? Ah, good times.

For the record, Richt confirm Pruitt is still his defensive coordinator. He never confirmed Schottenheimer is calling plays for the offense. I think he gave Schottenheimer some “special” headsets that aren’t connected to anybody else’s. They’re made by Fisher-Price and look just like the real thing! Also, you can also talk to Santa Claus on them.

This week, it’s .. Kentucky!

On the SEC Network. At noon. When all the stars play.

The Dogs are favored by 14. Seriously? Their point total in the last two games: 12. Dogs win, but I’ll take Kentucky and the candy.

Georgia freshmen after practice

Study Hall

Nick Saban's potential Twitter avatar and spirit animal.

Nick Saban’s potential Twitter avatar and spirit animal.

LSU at Alabama: Nick Saban doesn’t have a Twitter account. But if he did the avatar would be a gremlin with glowing eyes and any attempts to block him surely would be met with an immediate electronic charge sent from his keyboard to your keyboard through your finger tips, through your body and down each leg, ultimately causing each of your 10 toes to blow up. Of course, Les Miles would try it over and over again, just for laughs. Bammy wins but take LSU and 6½.

Vanderbilt at Florida: Jim McElwain has his feet up on the desk, smoking a stogie and thinking, “Is that all it takes to win the SEC East?” I think the line is 117. Gators cover.

South Carolina at Tennessee: Tennessee’s only two SEC wins have come over Georgia and Kentucky. I guess which one was tougher will be determined Saturday. Vols cover 17.

Musing over “The SEC Myth”

Florida State at Clemson:  I’m beginning to think this might be a Clemsoning-free Clemson season because losing at home to this mediocre Florida State team when the Tigers are a 12½-point favorite and ranked No. 1 by the playoff committee surely would be the greatest humiliation of Dabo Swinney’s career. There, that oughta do it. Lightning crack! Naw. Clemson wins but take FSU and the candy.

Duke at North Carolina: The ACC admits their officials screwed up the end-of-game kickoff return in the Miami-Duke game so they admonished the crew publicly with a point-by-point press release and suspended all of the blind mice for two games. But Duke still loses, because, well, why exactly? Carolina covers 7½.

Auburn at Texas A&M: Auburn is 1-7 in its last eight SEC games, going back to last season. Gus Malzahn would prefer to go back to 2013. Aggies cover 7½

La-Lafayette at Georgia State: Trent Miles went 0-12 in his first season, 1-11 in his second season and is 2-5 in Year 3. I’m working on my positive talking points in case I ever go into PR. What the heck: Take the 3½ and GSU in a straight upset.

Pros or Just Faking It

Some wise guy 49ers fan put Colin Kaepernick up for sale on Amazon,

Some wise guy 49ers fan put Colin Kaepernick up for sale on Amazon,

Falcons at 49ers: Colin Kaepernick lost his starting job to  guy (Blaine Gabbert) who got dumped by Jacksonville, and one fan put him up for sale on Amazon (“Price: $114,000,000. Free shopping.”) What’s the next step down for a quarterback. Georgia? Remember when the 49ers were good? Falcons cover 7.

Eagles at Cowboys: So if Fantasy Football is so easy like the commercials suggest, why can’t Chip Kelly and Jerry Jones get it right? Philly covers 2½.

Rams at Vikings: Todd Gurley, busted in college for signing autographs for nickels, doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. Now he’ll even wear a pink tutu in public view for money. Truth: Gurley wears the tutu and sings, “I’m a little teapot” as part of his mock rookie hazing in a Jolly Ranchers commercial, as a teammate yells, “Dance Gurley-man! Dance!” Yeah. Right to the bank. Take the 2½ but Rams win in a straight upset.

Dance, Gurley-Man!

This kid's already an Internet sensation but I figured he was worth another look.

This kid’s already an Internet star.

Packers at Panthers:  Carolina is 7-0 because of its defense and quarterback Cam Newton, who can make just enough plays to win games. Speaking of which: Whatever happened to that knucklehead draft guy who referenced Newton’s “phony smile” as evidence he would stink in the NFL? However: Green Bay wins and covers 2½.

Redskins at Patriots: Shoutout to the kid who went as “Deflategate Brady” (complete with Pinocchio nose and deflated plastic footballs on his shirt) for Halloween. Dan Snyder tried to go as “Superstar RGIII” but he only got rocks. Pats win but take Washington and 13½.

Broncos at Colts: It’s homecoming for Peyton Manning, who has a chance to break two of Brett Favre’s records, which he’ll get to right after he pats Andrew Luck on the head like a puppy, keys Jimmy Irsay’s car and throws 27 touchdown passes. Broncos cover 5.

Lilly’s Pick

Lilly is in deep thought. Or she just spotted a squirrel.

Kentucky at Georgia: Magic Mutt is 6-3 and out of her slump, suddenly demanding free-range chicken for her picking exercise. Instead, she got “processed cheese food” dyed Vol orange. This week’s choices: Pictures of Mark Richt and Kentucky’s mascot. Lilly hasn’t turned on Richt, yet She’s taking the Doggies.

Accountability scorecard

football-gambling“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard

Last week: 11-4 straight up, 8-7 against the line.

Bottom line: 83-36 straight up; 60-57-2 against the line.

Sack Schultz update: Congrats to last week’s weekly prize winners, Ronald Delle and Amy Haney, who each went 14-1. I went a dreadful 9-6 for the second straight week and I’m not being scouted by the Liberty Bowl. We’ve got a log jam for the grand prizes, led by “JTFournier1” of South Carolina and “1Donna1” of Alabama at 102 wins each. To enter, go to AJC.com/go/sackschultz2015.

lilly

Reader Comments 0

149 comments
Big Wally
Big Wally

So much for thinking Ovio State was going to have a semi tough November.  Down goes Sparty to a bad Nebraska team. 

On a brighter note Ovio, No. Illinios upset a top 25 team so at least they are semi helping your SOS, even though the rest of your Big Mac Conference can't. 


What a joke.

Buschleaguer
Buschleaguer

The B1G took another hit yesterday,Sparty's luck ran out in the land of Corn. Buckeyes have to hope Iowa wins out or they may not have to play a team ranked in the TOP 10 all season.One more pre-season game for Buckeyes next week. This begs the Question who is going to be in the top four , Clemson (undefeated ACC champ) Alabama (one loss SEC champ) Baylor(undefeated Big 12 Champ) Stanford (one loss PAC 12 champ win a win over Notre Dame) one loss Notre Dame (providing they beat Stanford) or a B1G champ Iowa or OH:IO State. Some of these spots will take care of themselves Stanford /Notre Dame ,Iowa /Ohio State play each other in elimination games But if the other teams win out ,who gets left out this year , especially if Notre Dame beats Stanford.

This should make for some lively discussions for fans of the teams .unfortunately this forum on the AJC has dried up and has gone away,Thanks AJC ,Bradley ,Schultz and everyone who has made the decision to kill the blogs,congrats you have succeeded.

OH:IO
OH:IO

@Buschleaguer


Yep


They're Bush League, buschleaguer


Really don't think Bradley, Schultz let alone in the tank Chip are a high enough pay grade to make such lofty decisions. 


Start with the Sports Editor and go up the chain from there. It's the Muckety Mucks

Big Wally
Big Wally

@OH:IO @Buschleaguer Golf clap for mighty Iowa, struggled against pitiful Indiana who can't even with a conference game, in a bad conference.

DawgNole
DawgNole

@Buschleaguer

Yeah, they've succeeded.

It's unfortunate and disgraceful the deterioration this once-fine newspaper has undergone over the past couple of years.

OH:IO
OH:IO

@Big Wally


the dogs are a bad team in a bad conference. Two teams are WAS. 

OH:IO
OH:IO

The comments started out slow and just fizzled out altogether. 

PalmBeachFalcon
PalmBeachFalcon

SEC East champs defeated Vandy by a whopping 9-7 margin.  Congrats Gators on being the skinniest kid at fat camp.

Gandolph
Gandolph

If Richt had your record, he would be on the hot seat and the all knowing pundits would be calling for his head.  Wait!  He has a better record than you and you (and Bradley-has he ever said that he liked anything?) are still calling for his head!  Stick with your dog.  She has a better record than you.

Big Wally
Big Wally

Hey Schultz, since it appears that you and I are the only ones on here, you want me to give you my email address and we could just communicate that way, since it is just the two of us on here now?

OH:IO
OH:IO

@Big Wally Ya, you and Schultzie can go play with one another Lil wally

Big Wally
Big Wally

Sure is lonely on  the ole blog.  Thanks AJC, you bunch of idiots.

Big Wally
Big Wally

Dawgs next head Coach Tom Herman, just took Houston to 9-0.

JeffersonDavisHogg
JeffersonDavisHogg

Did anyone notice one of the assistant coaches having to wake CMR up to call a time out in the first qtr? I about fell out of my chair!

JeffersonDavisHogg
JeffersonDavisHogg

@Wally, he was literally standing there with his head down as if he was in another world. Of all people I think it was Schotty that had to run up and shove him on his shoulder for him to react.

FlatTire
FlatTire

Pay up format is really looking like a success LOL

Big Wally
Big Wally

I sure hope Pruitt didn't hurt anyone's feelings today.  That appears to be more important than what they do on the field.

Mutley
Mutley

Celebration Time in Athens the headlines will read. UGA is once again the 2nd tier champion of the SEC having beaten both Vanderbilt and Kentucky. Disney Dawgs are beside themselves. Their hero has done it again and accomplished their goal, what a great day it is. God is good.

Buschleaguer
Buschleaguer

Early on Clemson appears to be on the verge of Clempsoning today.

Big Wally
Big Wally

Richt gets his signature win of the year.  Big round of applause everyone.

Buschleaguer
Buschleaguer

Schultz has not hit 120 comments on his prediction blog,over 24 hours in. By the looks of it AJC must have sold 10 to 12 new subscriptions to their site, and DawgNation still Sucks.

OH:IO
OH:IO

I'm a Hole today, dog in A hole

Hairy Dawg
Hairy Dawg

Dang sorry Gaytors held on against the Commodes. If Commodes had done two game winning streak at Fla that would be laughable. But Vandy choke like usual.

FlatTire
FlatTire

@OH:IO  no; if you choked you showed up for almost the entire game but couldn't get it done.


UGA didn't even show up

Edgar
Edgar

I still say the Falcons are an 8 & 8 team.

Hairy Dawg
Hairy Dawg

Dawgs Win! That way Coach Richt get it done. We own Bradley and his Kens Tuck.

Go Dawgs!

LuxLucisofVerum
LuxLucisofVerum

Looks like the only "candy" is Schultz...and I think I 'll take Vandy and 117.

Hairy Dawg
Hairy Dawg

I told you. Were beating Kens Tuck like a rented mule!

Go Dawgs!

OH:IO
OH:IO

Yo tampa


Vanderbilt?


Really?

DawgNole
DawgNole

@OH:IO

Won't see much of him anymore if it holds up.

How 'bout them commode doors!

Buschleaguer
Buschleaguer

@OH:IO

Bucky ,

Vandy is about as good as any team OH:IO state has played this year. When does the B1G regular season start.

FlatTire
FlatTire

We scored a td!!  (against the 82 ranked defense in the country)


Vandy evidently knows how to score on FL

Big Wally
Big Wally

Richt has the Special Teams clicking as well.  Give him a raise.

Big Wally
Big Wally

Our offense gives up more points than our defense does.

Big Wally
Big Wally

Shotty has the offense clicking today boys.  Give him a raise, that's the Richt way.

Big Wally
Big Wally

9 men in the box and we still run.  Shrewd.

FalconUGAFan
FalconUGAFan

Only UGA can turn a sure turnover into a possible TD for Kentucky. Amazing.