Predictions: Falcons win, Rocker (duh) loses

I got a feeling about this week. Honest. I think. (W.P. Glamour Shots)

I got a feeling about this week. Honest. I think. (W.P. Glamour Shots)

I got a feeling about this week. Honest. I think. (W.P. Glamour Shots)

Welcome back to what has been an enormously profitable investment season, if you ignore the 28 slight miscalculations against the spread — which I honestly was just joking about, so help me Roger Goodell — and this week’s big event! (No,  I’m not talking about John Rocker’s appearance on “Survivor,” which is something that happens when you can’t get a job any more, sit behind a folding table at Hall of Fame weekend in Cooperstown begging for spare change or Anabol, behind a sign that reads, “Speak English,” and most of the literate world views your place on the evolutionary scale one notch below bellybutton lint.)

John Rocker and his friends in Cooperstown (via Lockerdome.com).

John Rocker and his friends in Cooperstown (via Lockerdome.com).

Georgia and Tennessee play a rather significant football game in Athens. The Bulldogs will be trying to convince everybody they’re better than the team that bungled an SEC game in South Carolina two weeks ago (jury deliberating) and the Volunteers hope to prove they’re better than the team that’s 4-20 in the SEC in the last three years (because, really, playing in uniforms that make you look like a tangerine with ears should be torture enough).

When these teams last created mayhem in Knoxville, Georgia had three offensive regulars carted off the field and Mark Richt labored on the sideline with a sore hip and cut his finger on a folding chair.  But the Bulldogs won because Todd Grantham’s defense saved the day by allowing three second-half touchdowns to the SEC’s worst offense and … wait, scratch that.

The Dogs are experiencing post-Troy annihilation bliss. But wins over Troy don’t get you more than a bus ticket ticket to the Liberty Bowl.

Welcome to the start of the season, Georgia. Lose this and you’ll give Rocker the look of legitimacy. Dogs win and cover 17.

Back To School

Missouri at South Carolina: Berating young quarterbacks actually is what keeps Steve Spurrier sane. What really drives him crazy is seeing Vanderbilt return two kickoffs for touchdowns last week. And you wonder why he’s “humiliated” and every South Carolina game week starts with the point spread shifting in the other direction. Tempted to pick an upset, but: Roosters win but take Mizzou and 5½.

Mississippi State: Off, after last week’s upset at LSU. But a big Weekend Predictions shoutout to Mississippi State center Dillon Day, who won the Ndamukong Suh Cretin of the Week award for getting suspended by the SEC after stomping two LSU players. Day denied gooning either player intentionally. His brain his fine, it’s his feet that are psychotic. But there’s video evidence to support the charges. He probably has a future with the Ravens.

Keep your eye on No. 63

La. Tech at Auburn: Tigers coach Gus Malzahn claims to have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to players tied to domestic violence. Hey, sounds great, Gus. So maybe you can ask the OTHER Gus Malzahn why he’s recruiting former Georgia defensive tackle Jonathan Taylor despite allegations he choked and punched his former girlfriend? I’ll hang up and listen. Tigers win but take La. Tech and 32½.

Is Jameis Winston catering the halftime spread for FSU recruits now? (Artwork courtesy of Daily Snark)

Is Jameis Winston catering the halftime spread for FSU recruits now? (Artwork courtesy of Daily Snark)

FSU of Perpetual Enabling at N.C. State: Recruit Matthew Burrell supplied this report to 247Sports on the halftime feast during his visit to Tallahassee: “One of the best parts of the visit was the food with the crab legs.” Honest. Hey, it’s good to know somebody at least made it out of the Publix parking lot this time. Seminoles win but take N.C. State and 19.

North Carolina at Clemson: North Carolina allowed 70 points and 789 yards in last week’s loss to East Carolina. It’s been downhill ever since players had to start writing their own papers. Tigers cover 14½.

Vanderbilt at Kentucky: Kidding.

Arkansas at Texas A&M: Spurrier took a not-so-veiled shot at Texas A&M when he was asked about the SEC’s high-scoring offenses, saying, “Most of these teams play somebody like Lamar.” The Aggies beat Lamar 73-3. Of course, they also beat South Carolina 52-28. “I think (he) forgot about the first week,” Kevin Sumlin said. And then he dropped the mic. A&M covers 9.

Between The Lies

Falcons at Vikings: Minnesota hasn’t evaded the truth as much as Baltimore with its star running back, it just wanted to avoid the obvious ramifications: Minus Adrian Peterson, they stink. This won’t by the Tampa Bay game on rewind, but if the Falcons struggle this week, it’s a bad sign. The 3 is covered.

Steve Bisciotti meets the media.

Steve Bisciotti meets the media.

Panthers at Ravens: Steve Bisciotti held a news conference to shoot down every element of an ESPN investigative story that, in short, revealed the Baltimore owner and his top lieutenants to be cheaters, liars and have backbones with the substance of nougat. Of course, it helps when the NFL commissioner also is morally bankrupt. OK. I’m done now. Ravens cover 3½.

Jaguars at Chargers: Manti Te’o has a broken foot. It must be true, I read it on the Internet. Chargers win but take Jacksonville and 13.

Saints at Cowboys: A stripper claims Jerry Jones has been paying her hush money for years. I can only assume she’s still suing him because he’s paying Tony Romo even more. Saints win but take Dallas and 3.

NFL begins to diversity training

Eagles at 49ers: Philly quarterback Nick Foles ranks first in the NFL in passing yardage. Tom Brady ranks 24th. Exhibit A why three-week statistical analytics mean bupkis. Niners cover 5½.

Packers at Bears: Green Bay fans think Aaron Rodgers is too distracted by his girlfriend, Olivia Munn. First of all, to any guy complaining about Olivia Munn: Man card revoked. Secondly, if Rodgers is distracted, it’s because he’s been sacked nine times and feels like a shack in Kabul. Packers cover 1½.

Snippet from South Park’s monumental takedown of NFL

SCORECARD

Lilly nailed the Falcons' loss and Georgia Tech's win in last two weeks.

Lilly nailed the Falcons’ loss and Georgia Tech’s win in last two weeks.

“The best throw of the dice is to throw them away.”

Last week: 9-3 straight up, 5-7 against the line

Profits, losses: 35-12 straight up, 19-28 against the line.

Lock of the Week: Schlage.

Lilly’s Pick: The Beast is hot (3-1), last week nailing Georgia Tech over Virginia Tech. Maybe I should be eating the kibble. This week, it’s Falcons vs. Vikings. Lilly went right to the cheese’d photo of Freddie Falcon.

Sack Schultz 2014: Another blah 9-6 week leaves me with 43 wins, in 190th place, or as I like to call: The Sweet Spot! Last week’s winners were Ken Jenkins of Atlanta and Gary Bevington of Alliance, Ohio, who each went 13-2. There are seven contestants tied at the top with 48 wins. Enter and win great prizes at AJC.com/go/sackschultz2014.

Digital Jukebox
— AJC: Braves’ Hart is open to mentoring GM role
— AJC: Would Braves be better off not going “Braves Way”?
— MyAJC: Georgia is 0-1 but SEC East is still there for taking
— MyAJC: Full column: Frank Wren did a lot right but big things hurt him
— AJC: Quick blog: Frank Wren failed at major decisions
— AJC: Terry McGuirk is on the clock (updated)
— MyAJC: Georgia’s next 7 games are what really counts
— AJC: Short takes on Georgia’s 66-0 win over Troy
— MyAJC: Falcons now realize they need to step on gas
— AJC: Weekend Predictions: Falcons win, Jackets lose, Goodell cowers
— AJC: Braves see Nats celebrate, and Pirates may do same
— MyAJC: Fredi Gonzalez: ‘It’s my team, I take full responsibility’
— AJC: Braves’ opponents often celebrates here
— MyAJC: Falcons let everybody see their ugly side
— AJC: Short takes on Falcons’ loss to Cincinnati
— MyAJC: Georgia Tech has problems, but it also has Justin Thomas
— AJC: Short takes on Georgia Tech’s narrow escape
— AJC: Ferry takes leave but Hawks won’t change with this ownership
— AJC: Hawks giving lessons on how not to contain a fire
— AJC: Weekend Predictions: Goodell sees alibis, I see Dogs
— AJC:  Goodell was at Masters when Rice video arrived
— AJC: Silver says Ferry’s words not ‘terminable’ offense
 — MyAJC: Only cure: All Hawks’ owners and Ferry must go
— AJC: Levenson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar miss point about Atlanta
— MyAJC: Levenson gone but timing raises questions
— AJC: Hawks’ Levenson has ugly exit because of email
— MyAJC: Matt Ryan wouldn’t let Falcons lose
— MyAJC: Georgia Tech still looks wobbly at 2-0
— AJC: Weekend Predictions: Falcons (real ones) over Saints
— AJC: Video evidence of Stephen Garcia hitting bottom
— MyAJC: Falcons need Mike Nolan to create an illusion
— AJC: Michael Sam not being viewed as just a player
— MyAJC: With Todd Gurley, possibilities are endless
— AJC: Weekend Predictions (no lie): Dogs over Clemson
— MyAJC: Richt, Georgia need another highlight

Reader Comments 0

62 comments
D-Sheets
D-Sheets

This won’t be the Tampa Bay game on rewind, but if the Falcons struggle this week, it’s a bad sign. The 3 is covered.

Redfin
Redfin

"Shootz",   you can predict football games about as good as I can predict the weather.   The Falcons loose miserably to a team missing key parts and a rookie QB.  The Dawgs luck out and beat a less than stellar Tenn squad by a field goal.   They (Ga) better hope that Gurley stays healthy.  The Falcons..........there's no hope for them short of a new coaching staff and a bunch of "O" and "D" linemen.

GTBee
GTBee

NCST always plays FSU tough. Who will win? NCST or the #1 conference ACC and FSU?

GTBee
GTBee

Yellow Jackets still undefeated. THWG!!

Lambert Dawg
Lambert Dawg

Jeff, the picture of Jameis is a classic. I think it should be hung above his trophy in the house of "Heisman".

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

Schultz...there you go again pandering to the rednecks getting their hopes up for a Jawja win. It ain't happening. Take the Vols + 17 and smile all the way to the bank.

Princess_Leia
Princess_Leia

Mason will have hobnail bruises all over by the end of the game.


Dwags win, but take the Vols and the points.

GTBob
GTBob

I wouldn't touch that UGA/Tenn spread. UGA has a tendency to make bad teams look a little better than they are.

wallydog
wallydog

Sadly, I agree. I think the best thing going for us for this game is that we are at home. But still, we can always find new and creative ways to screw up. I'm guessing we win, but not by more than 10. Hope I'm wrong. Go dogs!

DoctorNo
DoctorNo

Funny stuff as always Jeff. 


POAD2014
POAD2014

#63 for MSU must have learned ho to play football from the UGa great Ben "Dirty Dwag" Jones

jmccoy1252
jmccoy1252

Anyone who followed baseball would know that Rocker was given multiple attempts to get it together with other teams. He failed, simple as that!

Centrist
Centrist

And just where is the proof that Auburn is recruiting Taylor?  Oh, I see.  Garner stays in touch with him so that automatically means that Auburn is recruiting him?  None of you, Schultz included, have any proof other than your hatred for Auburn that Auburn is recruiting this guy.  Shut up, all of you, until you have the proof.  Then I'll listen.

RickinWarnerRobins:  Hey man, wave the flag a little more and tell these cretins you luv Jeeeezus and you will be elected  guv'nah of this great state! You've already got the librul bashing down pat.  Warner Robins is a Baptist kingdom and you must be the king down there already!   Rocker was/is a Neanderthal, just your kinda guy!  And to blame his demise on the librul press is just plain stupid but of course as a Baptist fire breathing Neo-con you have a complete blind spot for clarity so my casting pearls before swine is a complete exercise in futility. 

Lambert Dawg
Lambert Dawg

@Centrist  Cam Newton, Trey Matthews, Nick Marshall  should be all the proof you need. I must admit I sure wish these guys could have stayed in Athens. Our secondary would be a strength this year if we had Matthews, Marshall and Josh Harvey Clemons.

Ihateorange
Ihateorange

Seriously Rick ?  Rocker is, was, and always has been a redneck loser.

bobbyross1990
bobbyross1990

@Ihateorange So you must be a Liberal, Yankee loser then? It's like the Hank song" What this world needs is more Rednecks". Get the heck out of our state Ihateorange.

Ihateorange
Ihateorange

Seriously Rick ?  Rocker is, was, and always has been a redneck loser. Most dominant reliever in baseball ?  Now I know you are on he pipe....  OK come on, admit it -your real name is southside steve the DA  (there is another real loser for you....)

gtcaryd
gtcaryd

@Ihateorange That was 15 years ago.............he might think before he speaks now. If you don't like rednecks why do you live here, that's like hating winter and moving to Alaska.

RickinWarnerRobins
RickinWarnerRobins

Schultz is just jealous that Rocker actually was able to play professional baseball and was a success while he is stuck writing crap columns like this for a liberal, uncouth newspaper in Atlanta.

RickinWarnerRobins
RickinWarnerRobins

@gtcaryd @RickinWarnerRobins Had the press not run him out of baseball, he may have been one of the more dominent relievers in the game during his time.  I wish he'd had the opportunity, but the liberal press wasn't having any of it.

gtcaryd
gtcaryd

Did Rocker run off with his wife?

CynthiaTuckerrhymeswith
CynthiaTuckerrhymeswith

Look, if he could write more than 2 cogent paragraphs he'd be, well, Mark Bradley (who is now up to 3 - yippee!).  Schultz has to rag on people because he knows he needs someone - anyone - to blame.


Wonder if Schultz would take a good pic sitting behind a table at a University of Phoenix fund-raiser with a sign that read: WRITE ENGLISH?


And we certainly hope he's put real money on all those picks.  And really, copy/pasting a 'column' with videos and 'arty' inserts just means he can fill up a page without having to string many words together -  a blessing to all.

Schultz - clever and witty.  Not.  Let's call him the anti-Wilde and ignore his petulant and sophomoric scribbling.


But we do like his puppy and we imagine she likes him.  No accounting for taste.  Bless his heart.

OH-IO
OH-IO

350 got an early start on the Nattys. 


Live Ryder Cup! 

DarlaLewis
DarlaLewis

Here's a game you have to win. Besides the Giants are next and their playing some pretty good football as of late. Rise Up!!

bobbyross1990
bobbyross1990

let it go with Rocker Jeff. Just like Bobby Petrino, you keep banging on the same drum. 

HotDawg
HotDawg

Malzahn and Auburn have zero tolerance....for morals and ethics.

Have they offered the kid that got kicked out of TN for punching his girlfriend, yet?

gtjack
gtjack

After some research, I've figured out Lily's system. It's the blue pushpin. 

Delbert_D
Delbert_D

UNC athletics is so corrupt that that US News and World Report needs to take action and yank them out of the University academic rankings. It's obvious that the trembling NCAA is going to do nothing. 

gtcaryd
gtcaryd

I would like to see Schultzy say that to that guys face.....he scares me on TV.

WeRunTheEast
WeRunTheEast

Wow, so glad we have an epic take down of those evil Washington Redskins. Schultz is such a liberal whiner. Who knows what his real opinion is because he is a bought and paid for MSM member. He would be fired for disagreeing with the Redskins name criticism or the Michael Sam love fest. Schultz should be banned from covering American football. He should cover soccer and maybe Occupy protests so he can be with his political compatriots.

D-Sheets
D-Sheets

Shultzie ...

You must be fine in your blog-response quotas or Lilly's cheese pick would've been UT-UGA ....

Dewnsav
Dewnsav

all you "smart", "good", "caring"  people gotta keep kicking Rocker...PC is going to ruin this country...funny how some people can say whatever they want...and some can't...go dogs

KeepOnSmilingWetWillie
KeepOnSmilingWetWillie

@Dewnsav The good will win in the end! Always have and always win.


See you Holder.

Dewnsav
Dewnsav

@KeepOnSmilingWetWillie I'm starting to wonder...more takers than givers now...the country has fundamentally changed...for the worse...the man (?) kept his word...go dogs

HotDawg
HotDawg

Wet....He refused to investigate or he stonewalled many investigations involving all these scandals in the news. He knows there's evidence that leads directly to the white house.

Was the worst A.G. in history.

HotDawg
HotDawg

Good riddance Holder.

You know deep down the guy wasn't giving up any evidence implicating this incompetent administration. From fast and furious to the IRS targeting.

But God forbid the media blows up a racial story, he was there to convict a white person before any investigation was started or completed.

Hmotto
Hmotto

Well,  if our sportswriters know their stuff, they know that a head coach cannot discuss recruits specifically.  So Malzahn cannot tell the press he is not recruiting Taylor,  when he say's zero tolerance, that speaks for itself.  The kid knows Garner, would like an offer,  I guess that equals AU is recruiting him.  Let's see how it plays out, no offer will be coming from AU.

REB IV
REB IV

@Hmotto How much money you want to put on it. Malzahn has no morals. Should be in politics

HotDawg
HotDawg

Malzahn is from Arkansas. Should tell you right there how sleazy he is. Jerry jones, slick willie, Jimmy johnson....honorary Arkansan--> political witch hillary.