Predictions: Falcons win, Jackets lose, Goodell cowers

Determined to improve on last week’s regrettable investment advice.

Determined to improve on last week's regrettable investment advice.

Determined to improve on last week’s regrettable investment advice.

Before continuing with our investment season, which has been quite profitable if you discount the last three weeks and 35 picks and the fact it’s really hard to handicap NFL games when you’re not sure which team has more players in leg chains and how many times the invertebrate commissioner is going to stick his finger in the air (editors made me type “air”; my mind was thinking somewhere else), here’s this week’s legal update:

Roger Goodell has placed three highly paid dunderheads on the NFL’s double-secret Exempt/Commissioner’s Permission List, which almost nobody knew even existed until about 10 minutes ago, possibly because it didn’t. And even if it did, nobody cared because all of the league’s potential convicts who were backups got cut, anyway, while the star future convicts played after sitting out a half — oh wait, that’s only in college —  because there weren’t 100 million people on Twitter screaming, “Hey! Wait a minute!” (Sometimes they use worse words. I refer you back to the possible location of Roger Goodell’s finger.)

This is now standard issue at NFL training camps.

This is now standard issue at NFL training camps.

That’s really what this comes down to. Goodell and NFL owners aren’t benching players because they have suddenly located their conscience. Consumers screamed. Advertisers freaked. Suits got wrinkled. Now the league has a Pro Bowl team to go against the guards.

No worries. The NFL will figure out some way to make money off of this. Probably an expansion franchise in Leavenworth.

Hey, Ray Lewis has always wanted to get into management.

Actually, this NFL’s Exempt/Commissioner’s Permission List is a great deal for the dunderheads. They get to sit on a couch and still draw a salary.

I propose the Journal-Constitution start an Exempt/Editor’s Permission List. I surely qualify after picking the Falcons to beat Cincinnati.

I need a break from civilization. Let’s go to Blacksburg. (Transition.)

Georgia Tech is 3-0. But the Yellow Jackets have been kind of shaky in three non-conference games and this is some really bad timing going to Virginia Tech. VaTech beat Ohio State by two touchdowns in Columbus, then came home and lost to East Carolina. Even if the Hokies aren’t a great team, they’ll be irritated, grounded and focused.

The Jackets have played the Hokies close under Paul Johnson but they’re 1-5 against them. Nothing about escapes against Tulane and Georgia Southern scream this team is ready for this. Jackets lose and the Poultry covers 8.

Somebody needs to cover this for Super Bowl Halftime Show

SCHOOL DAZE

Troy at Georgia: OK, Mike Bobo should’ve had Todd Gurley carry the ball. I get it. But Georgia scored more points in Columbia (35) than it had since 1920 and still lost (38-35). I like Jeremy Pruitt but the torches and pitchforks were outside the wrong coordinator’s house last week. No matter: This is stuff-a-Sun-Belt-team-in-a-locker week: Georgia covers 40½.

Florida at Alabama: Florida took three overtimes to beat Kentucky but received 72 votes in this week’s coaches’ poll, which tells me that either coaches aren’t smarter than sportswriters (duh) or Will Muschamp has been mailing a lot of fruit baskets. Tide covers 14½.

Clemson at Florida State Univ. of Perpetual Enabling: At least now we know where FSU draws the line on stupidity. Jameis Winston followed up recent sexual assault allegations by standing on a table in the middle of campus and shouting something so profane that I can’t even use abbreviations. He has been suspended for the first half. He would’ve been suspended both halves but it’s a conference game. Seminoles win but take Clemson and 17.

Louisville at Florida-Int’l-HOP: Congrats to Bobby Petrino and Todd Grantham for bringing the Cardinals to a level they’ve never been before: They lost to Virginia. I’ll dance with FIU and 27.

Mississippi State at LSU: Dan Mullen theoretically could make it to a bowl with wins over Southern Miss (done), UAB (done), South Alabama (done), UT Martin, Kentucky and Vanderbilt. But that won’t help him the next three weeks: LSU, Texas A&M, Auburn. Forecast: pain. Tigers cover 9½.

Clubber Lang on Mississippi State

South Carolina at Vanderbilt: Steve Spurrier: “Vandy can beat us.” Has he ever said that before a Georgia game? Gamecocks cover 21½.

Georgia State at Washington: The opening sentence of an actual story about the Panthers: “You’re not alone if you’ve never heard of Georgia State University or didn’t know the school had a football team.” Here’s the good news. The story appeared in Seattle, not Atlanta. The realistic objective in this game: escape with all major organs intact and collect the $900,000 payoff for socks and bandaids. Huskies cover 35½.

NFL SNACK PACK

(Buy Two Games, Get a Free Criminal Defense Attorney)

Falcons' defense lines up for another play.

Falcons’ defense lines up for another play.

Bucs at Falcons (tonight): The defense has allowed 944 yards and 61 points in two games. Milk bottles in a carnival game have put up a bigger fight. Meanwhile, defensive coordinator Mike Nolan reportedly is making wonderful progress at the Daisy Hill Gentle Windchimes and Serenity House and is expected to return to the team sometime after Week 7, assuming he wants to. Don’t know why, but: Falcons cover 6½.

Vikings at Saints: Minnesota’s Super Bowl odds in Las Vegas went from 50-1 to 100-1 after sitting a certain running back. You know that saying in the stock market: Buy low, sell high? Doesn’t apply here. Saints cover 10½.

Redskins at Eagles: Washington doesn’t have a player on the NFL’s double-secret inactive list but it does have receiver DeSean Jackson, who was released by Philly because the Eagles thought he had too many friends in gangs. Strange. Suddenly that doesn’t seem so bad. Eagles cover 6½.

Packers at Lions: A lot of folks have jumped on the Lions’ bandwagon. That’s generally when it’s a good idea to jump off. Actual factuals: Matthew Stafford is 1-6 vs. Packers with 14 interceptions. Aaron Rodgers is 9-1 vs. Lions with 19 touchdowns. Waiter? Check. Take the 2 and Packers straight up.

49ers at Cardinals: The NFL fined Colin Kaepernick $11,025 for using inappropriate language. He must’ve called his ownership classy. Meanwhile, 49ers legends Jerry Rice, Steve Young and Ronnie Lott have all spoken against the team’s decision to play accused domestic violence blockhead Ray McDonald, which illustrates the difference between the franchise in this era and the 1980s better than I ever could. But: Niners cover 3.

SCORECARD (avert your eyes)

Don't jump ship yet, profits ahead.

Don’t jump ship yet, profits ahead.

“There are many lessons to be learned from the gambling experience, but the harshest one of all is the difference between having fun and being smart.” – Hunter S. Thompson

Last week (just putrid): 4-6 straight up, 2-8 against the line.

So far, so yech: 26-9 straight up, 14-21 against the line.

Lilly’s Pick: Lilly (2-1) angered UGA fans by picking South Carolina last week, but she won. She’s been cocky all week. This week, we cheese’d pictures of two mascots, GaTech’s Buzz and VaTech’s HokieBird. Lilly went with an upset: The Buzz cheese was gobbled first.

Sack Schultz update: I’m going in the wrong direction, from 14 to 11 to 9 wins in 3 weeks. Ranking: 148 out of 4,336 entries. Last week’s winners were Frances Dye (Waycross) and Brian McNeill (Oklahoma City). For a chance to win prizes, enter at ajc.com/go/sackschultz2014.

Lilly nailed South Carolina pick last week. This week, she has Georgia Tech.

Lilly nailed South Carolina pick last week. This week, she has Georgia Tech.

Reader Comments 0

187 comments
thekimmer
thekimmer

Hey Shultzie.  You sure were right about that PAIN at LSU but it is on the other side!!!!!


KISS IT you lazy bum.  You never even looked at the match-up.  Glad we could help ruin your record this week.

D-Sheets
D-Sheets

Jackets lose and the Poultry covers 8.

-----------------

You should listen to Lilly from now on, Shutlz.

grh0317
grh0317

Thanks for your support 350 dawg.......GT 4-0..

How did that VT call work out for you bro?

grh0317
grh0317

Looks like your poultry got cooked huh Shultz?

GT is tough and style points aren't required.

Enjoy your burnt poultry.. GT 4-0

cinesage
cinesage

Please keep picking Tech's opponents Jeff ... it's worked so far.

GloryBetweenTheHedges
GloryBetweenTheHedges

I don't believe Alabama covers the spread. Clemson upsets the Seminoles.  

OH-IO
OH-IO

If your a dog, it must be tough going into Troy Week after such a devastating SEC SEC LEAST! loss.

Dawg350
Dawg350

You would know wouldn't you??? You sat thru Kent st! Lol

gtcaryd
gtcaryd

Shhhhhhhhhhh......................350 must have passed out.

Dawg350
Dawg350

Heck you should know you watched the game...you would watch a UGA game over your own precious buckeyes!!!! They suck and you suck as well!

OH-IO
OH-IO

@gtcaryd But but but.....I want to hear more of the trash on the field. I want indisputable visual evidence!

OH-IO
OH-IO

@Dawg350 I didn't see any trash on the field. I noticed trash in the visiting team's section in the stands, however. 

Dawg350
Dawg350

Whatever...you are delusional pal! The chickens threw trash in the end zone...I was there and I have 20/20!vision unlike you bro

Dawg350
Dawg350

Thanks man, least somebody can see the obvious.

NotDisappointed
NotDisappointed

Jackets win by 3! Well, I hope! :)
Ramblin Wreck out!

OH-IO
OH-IO

350's Excuses Coming Home to Roost


#1 The Refs


#4 The Coaches


And, ladies and gentleman, we have a NEW ONE! 


#18 The Trash! 

Dawg350
Dawg350

What's your excuse for losing to an un ranked team at home chicken boy??? Answer the dang question you coward!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

OH-IO
OH-IO

@Dawg350 I don't make excuses for teams I root for. 

Dawg350
Dawg350

How could you??? When we all know why y'all get whipped...simply because y'all suck!!!!

GloryBetweenTheHedges
GloryBetweenTheHedges

@OH-IO Your team is 3-0 you don't have to make any excuses yet. Tough win over Georgia Southern though ;-)

TampGator1
TampGator1

@OH-IO 


No, you just troll everyone else's teams and deflect, deflect, deflect about the said team you support. I would prefer the excuses over your tactics.


BIG TEN LEAST.  BIG TEN LEAST. 

Dawg350
Dawg350

If you call back a 54 yard td run where their was clearly no holding in a big tight sec game on the road...then that's a game changer..,you killed our momentum you sorry refs....you took 7 points off the board in a big road game,,,are you kidding me...those dang chickens cheated once again...I don't think any of those refs had 20/20 vision who called that ball a first down when it was clearly a little short. We got robbed in Columbia!!! The refs should called a penalty on the chicken fans for throwing trash on the fields! I hate South Carolina shame chickens!

Dawg350
Dawg350

Yep that was part of it...but the 54 yarder called back it was devastating.

Dawg350
Dawg350

Well if our dumb coach would of ran the ball with 1st and goal from the 4... We probably would of won....no but our dumb coaches and the refs stole the game from the UGA players...sure they outplayed us most of the game...but the swann int should of been the game winner!!!!! Run the damn ball!!!!!!!!!

gtcaryd
gtcaryd

@Dawg350 I knew that would do it for him...........hitting the coach's hard now.

OH-IO
OH-IO

@Dawg350



Oooh SHOULD



Ooooh WOULD



Ooooh COULD 


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dawg350
Dawg350

How many fields does VA tech have? Or does va tech even need a field to beat y'all?

POAD2014
POAD2014

@Dawg350 VINCE wasn't too smart but he was smart enough to ride the horse that he brought to the game.

AlwaysReady
AlwaysReady

UGA vs Troy tickets available at $24.00.

Dawg350
Dawg350

I bet you would like to take a shower with card...hop on in there Kat daddy.lol

Dawg350
Dawg350

Too bad those cheap tickets have nothing to do with va tech whipping yech tomorrow huh?

Dawg350
Dawg350

You figure it out mr nerd boy...you so smart as you have mentioned my brotha.".....read between the lines home slice

Dawg350
Dawg350

That's right...I can out drink any of you weak links any day of the week! Tech sucks Ohio sucks...Sc sucks...Tennessee sucks!!! Y'all are all into trailer park tramps with no teeth and flabs of fat...fatty legs!

Dawg350
Dawg350

My brotha, I bet you snort meth up your nose....you are crack baby transplant.lol

POAD2014
POAD2014

@gtcaryd he doesn't have time to smoke METH he is in the GYM or cleaning the showers most hours of the day and night.

POAD2014
POAD2014

@Dawg350 a white guy using My brotha then calls somebody a transplant? Sounds like you been transplanted in some SC ghetto.

POAD2014
POAD2014

@Dawg350 sure you are. That explains why you have family in bulgaria and you aren't smart enough to post and avatar.

Dawg350
Dawg350

How do you know that I'm white? I'm a black man you chump change

Dawg350
Dawg350

My wife is Bulgarian and I'm black.....deal with it Bo....I don't give a damn about no stinking avatar my brotha

Dawg350
Dawg350

Your opinion...meth man....your remarkable at being a loser!!!! Guess what...I'm not taking the dawg down....I'm all dawg! Deal with it or get mental help...I couldn't careless

Remarkable3
Remarkable3

@Dawg350 Please take the Dawg off your handle if you are going to be such an idiot.  You're not even a 350.  A 180 maybe?