Predictions: Goodell sees alibis, I see Dogs

Some of this weekend’s rock solid investments. (Photo by W.P. Glamour Shots.)

Some of this weekend's rock solid investments. (Photo by W.P. Glamour Shots.)

Some of this weekend’s rock solid investments. (Photo by W.P. Glamour Shots.)

According to legend, my third favorite source after Netflix and the Google search window, where you can find just about anything except the Ray Rice video, and we know this because Roger Goodell did an exhaustive seven-second search from his Barcalounger before declaring, “Nothing to see here!” and retiring for his afternoon nap, the expression, “The dog ate my homework” predates Goodell by over 100 years.

The Cambrian, a magazine, and not TMZ, broke this in 1905: A Welsh minister gave a sermon at his church and later confided to an aide that it would’ve been longer, except that, “Just before I started to come here my dog got hold of my sermon and ate some of the leaves, and I had no time to write any more.” And we’ve been blaming our poor dogs for everything ever since.

Don't question the cookie

Don’t question the cookie

Goodell said this week he has no idea how TMZ found an elevator surveillance recording — the security equivalent of garbage bags twist ties — because he went to great lengths and found nothing. This whopper was surpassed only by Scooby Doo, rut-roh look on his face when the Associated Press quoted a law enforcement who claims to have personally delivered a DVD to the NFL office in April.

Goodell swears he looked everywhere.

“It wasn’t on my desk.”

Pause.

“I figured Blockbuster would have a copy but they closed them all.”

Pause.

“I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything.”

Pause

“My dog ate my DVD.”

(Note to aspiring writers: You can make anything a transition.)

And speaking of dogs . . .

Georgia visits South Carolina this week.  The Bulldogs have jumped from 12th to sixth in the rankings and the Gamecocks have fallen ninth to 24th. But this is where we caution: It’s early and it’s Columbia.

Then again: If the South Carolina defense struggled to stop East Carolina (453 yards), how’s it going to stop Todd Gurley? The dog ate their game plan? Georgia covers 5½.

Goodell channels Ralph Kramden

Goodell channels my cousin, Sgt. Schultz

Goodell takes the stand

School Daze

Ga. Southern at Ga. Tech: In their first two games against Cupcake and Twinkie, the Jackets outscored opponents only 34-30 in the first half but 42-10 in the second. They might actually have to play four quarters this week. Damn, do they get paid for this? Oh wait, wrong column. Tech wins but take Georgia Southern and 20.

Air Force at Ga State:  The Panthers followed a win (a win!) by blowing a 24-10 lead and losing to New Mexico State with 15 seconds left. But there is good news: This one will lack last-second heartache. Air Force covers 11½.

Kentucky at Florida: The Gators have won 27 straight in this series, and their last two coaches to lose to Kentucky (Charley Pell and Galen Hall) were not given gold watches on the way out the door, largely because Pell horded all of the watches for recruits. Gators cover 17.

Rice at Texas A&M: Aggies quarterback Kenny Hill is trademarking, “Kenny Trill,” for the .0000000000001 percent of the T-shirt buying public that knows “Trill” is some vague intersection of “true” and “real” in the hip-hop world. On a related note, I typed “Schultz” into the Urban Dictionary search window and got this: “It has characteristics as a noun (the absolute and total), a verb (you schultzed her), an adjective (he is a totally schultz dancer), etc. Its meanings are endless.” Damn. I may copyright me. Aggies cover 31½.

Louisville at Virginia: This normally would have “BODYSLAM” written all over it, but Virginia’s defense has forced nine turnovers in two games and has one lopsided win (Richmond) and one near upset (UCLA). See, I do research sometimes. Enough facts. Emotional breakdown: Anybody vs. Petrino. Louisville wins but take Virginia and 7.

BETWEEN NFL COVER-UPS

Falcons at Bengals: The Falcons only wish they could disguise defenses as well as Goodell. But the offense was real and spectacular (cue: Seinfeld) against New Orleans. The Bengals’ defense won’t be as accommodating as the Saints, but Andy Dalton isn’t Drew Brees. The Falcons are getting points? I’ll bite: Take the 5 but Birds win straight up.

Steelers at Ravens (Thursday): Baltimore owner Steve Bisciotti wrote a letter of apology to fans, saying he should have seen the Rice video earlier. Another member of Club Pinocchio. Take the Steelers and 2½, and in a straight upset.

Cardinals at Giants: Eli Manning is a two-time Super Bowl MVP. I know this because I watched the video, right next to the three-headed goat exhibit at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. Arizona covers 2.

Saints at Browns: Josh Gordon, who has been suspended for a year for failing multiple tests for marijuana, says he “definitely (does) not” have a drug problem. OK. So maybe the 57 pounds of Cheetos that have eroded his brain cells. New Orleans covers 6½.

Bears at 49ers: Nobody has been arrested this week, so leg chains won’t slow the 49ers’ attack. San Francisco covers 7.

Chip Count

free-bets-are-profitable“There is a lure in power. It can get into a man’s blood, just as gambling and lust for money have been known to do.” – Harry Truman

Last week: 11-2 overall, 7-6 against the line.

Through Chapter 2: 22-3 overall, 12-13 against the line.

???????????????????????????????Lilly Pick of the Week: The mutt is 1-1. She’s still trying to make amends for picking Clemson over Georgia in Week 1. This week: hot dogs on pictures of Mark Richt (left) and Steve Spurrier (right). Lilly goes right and picks South Carolina. (Don’t shoot the messenger).

Sack Schultz update: Last week’s winners: Frank Moiger of Atlanta and Vince Villani of Colorado Springs. Go to AJC.com/go/sackschultz2014 to enter.

Weekend Predictions: Previous Episodes
— Week 1: Weekend Predictions (no lies): Georgia over Clemson
— Week 2: Weekend Predictions: Falcons (real ones) over Saints
 
Some recent ramblings (free links)
— AJC: Goodell was at Masters when Rice video arrived at office
— AJC: Adam Silver, Magic Johnson see Ferry-Deng differently
— MyAJC: Only cure: All Hawks’ owners and Ferry must go
— AJC: Levenson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar miss point about Atlanta
— MyAJC: Levenson gone but timing raises questions
— AJC: Hawks’ Levenson has ugly exit because of email
— MyAJC: Matt Ryan wouldn’t let Falcons lose
— MyAJC: Georgia Tech still looks wobbly at 2-0
— AJC: Short takes on Tech’s 38-21 win over Tulane
— AJC: Live blog: Tech tries to spoil Tulane’s party
— AJC: Weekend Predictions: Falcons (real ones) over Saints
— AJC: Weekend Predictions: Falcons (real ones) over Saints
— AJC: Video evidence of Stephen Garcia hitting bottom
— MyAJC: Falcons need Mike Nolan to create an illusion
— AJC: Michael Sam not being viewed as just a player
— MyAJC: With Todd Gurley, possibilities are endless
— AJC: Short takes: Georgia 45, Clemson 21
— AJC: Cantor’s magic tallis has cure to Braves’ problems (on Fridays)
— AJC: Weekend Predictions (no lie): Dogs over Clemson
— MyAJC: Richt, Georgia need another highlight
— MyAJC: Braves CEO Terry McGuirk vows ‘Everybody accountable’
— MyAJC: Full Q&A with Braves CEO Terry McGuirk
— AJC: It’s ‘Sack Schultz’ time. Think you can grill me?
— MyAJC: If Tech wins, it will be with a better option
— MyAJC: Predicting Georgia Tech’s season, game-by-game
— AJC: On Braves, McGuirk and repairing baseball
— MyAJC: Baseball repair list: Pardon Rose, quicken pace, shorten season
— AJC: Braves find a groove, but so do Nationals
— MyAJC: Mike Tice has a challenge — and he knows it
— AJC: Bobby Petrino, Todd Grantham reportedly feuding already

Reader Comments 0

308 comments
ALB-Dawg
ALB-Dawg

Had the game won.  bobo blew it.  That's the plain and simple truth.  End of story.  On the other hand, he had some great moments, too.  In particular, finally getting Hicks involved.  Okay.  Over it.  On to the next game.

OH-IO
OH-IO

Gurley has nice tattos

GTBee
GTBee

If there is on thing Spurrier knows how to do it's beating UGA! THWG and Clemson too!

Grant1296
Grant1296

Wonder if he could ever learn to beat Tech???

TampGator1
TampGator1

What next......bulldogs being swarmed upon in the street by blood thirsty, bleeding-heart liberal, Muslin supporting yellow jackets?

Grant1296
Grant1296

Good question POAD...

Especially bloodthirsty ones...

POAD2014
POAD2014

@TampGator1 Where have you seen a list of MUSLIM supporting JACKETS?

TampGator1
TampGator1

Promoting drug use as well.  Well be!!!  Typical commie, bleeding-heart liberal, extremist Muslim supporting newspaper type.....than Shultzie.   

TampGator1
TampGator1

Is it Kosher for the AJC to display female nudity on its blog sites?  Not that real men mind.  But I am sure they don't want to offend the other men.  See above. 

Grant1296
Grant1296

Have you POAD ?

Just asking...

Grant1296
Grant1296

Sounds like she loved it POAD ...

Congrats...

POAD2014
POAD2014

@TampGator1 neither Bradley or Schultz have ever seen a Naked woman. Their wives don't allow Lights in the bedroom. It has something to do with the ladies not being able to stop laughing enough to get in the MOOD.

POAD2014
POAD2014

@Grant1296 I've seen your Mother naked but she is a Pillow Bitter so I never saw her face just the well you know that SMILE that is  PERPENDICULAR to where I start making a HYPOTENUSE to her Spine. 

OH-IO
OH-IO

dog word of the day"


"cuz"


-350

Dawg350
Dawg350

Buckeye word of the day...Im a coward loser! Who pulls for the mediocre buckeyes

AnsweredTHIS
AnsweredTHIS

@OH-IO


Maybe we can all cheer for Maryland to return the BIG 10 to prominence?  OK ok ok .....it took everything in me to type that! I am on this side of the computer about to loose my composure I am laughing so hard! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Maryland!  The 2-0 Terps....hahahahahahah! Big 10 finest! 

TampGator1
TampGator1

@AnsweredTHIS


Yep.....Maryland has not had its arse whipped like a Buckeyed pea yet. 


And don't forget about Rutgers.  Second best team in the.............


BIG TEN LEAST.  BIG TEN LEAST. 


Buck eyed peas whipped to a pulp and eaten for dinner......by a bunch of Virginia hokie doaks. 


BIG TEN LEAST.  BIG TEN LEAST. 

ARdawg
ARdawg

@RockyTopp 

For you it's marrying material if you can't beat your other brothers to your sister

DIT
DIT

Can't we all just get along.........

TampGator1
TampGator1

@DIT 


Think you are going to be waiting just as long as John Lennon.

POAD2014
POAD2014

@DIT HELL NO it is Aug.====Feb. and that ain't no gettin along time.

Dawg350
Dawg350

I bet you get along with your boyfriend rocky flop

Pale
Pale

Hey Schultzie, love your columns & I sure do hope you're right about the Dawgs.


Just wanted to point out you've got some female nudity plainly visible in the image for the Fast Times video. Not that I'm complaining, but...

OH-IO
OH-IO

@Pale


XXXX


Fire Schultz! 


War on Women! 



Grant1296
Grant1296

Do you actually think anyone clicks on your stupid links POAD ?????

Dawg350
Dawg350

I think we will have to use michel and Mckenzie more in the slot till we get healthy at WR. I' hope tibbs and Reggie Davis will step up this sat cuz we are gonna need them.

Dawg350
Dawg350

I will talk UGA football with anyone that wants to talk...except for the trolls

Dawg350
Dawg350

Go find yourself a woman you loser....if you can do that? Cuz right now I don't think you can!

POAD2014
POAD2014

@Dawg350 so you are making the Kool-Aid? Do you sniff their butt first or do you give your butt to be sniffed first?

Dawg350
Dawg350

Fr*ck you??? You stupid coward

OH-IO
OH-IO

@Dawg350


Let's talk the Bucaneers of Charleston Southern coming off their big win! 

Dawg350
Dawg350

Y'all think I care about this board....this board is ruined because the system is flawed...cuz when they ban somebody all they have to do is register with a different email address. If y'all got banned for life y'all would be on sucide watch

Dawg350
Dawg350

Yeah it's the best post to you because you a meth head hooked crack...you stupid pos

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

@Dawg350  Why don't you stick to yakking about something you know....cooking meth? I would rather talk to a dust mop than to listen to your drivel. But at least your friends down at Swinging Richards love you. 


PussDogs 16

LameCocks 24

ARdawg
ARdawg

@RockyTopp What's your prediction of how many the Okie Sooners are going to hang on Rockie Flopp? I'll take 60+. What say you?

Dawg350
Dawg350

Who cares! Too bad he isn't at fla anymore huh? He is. Ow coaching a mediocre team that gets their tails kicked by the ACC. Bucky your bragging rights are over pal. Your team is a joke!

Dawg350
Dawg350

Touchdown va tech!!!!! Urban is on a losing team now...0-2 vs the ACC! Hahahahahaha

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

@ARdawg If you read my other posts, you will see that I do NOT expect UT to win over Oklahoma. Unlike Jawja, they are not over-rated or over-hyped. I think we keep it respectable, within 14 points. But remember that is why they play the game. Who would have thought App State would roll into Ann Arbor in 2007 and come out with a W?


You and 350 need to get a room. What's that? You already have? What ever floats your boat. I am not judging you two by your lifestyle. I am judging you because you are both boobs.


LameCocks 24

PussDogs 16

ARdawg
ARdawg

@RockyTopp @ARdawg Me and 350 need to get a room? Really? Did you realize you are a moron instantly or did it just sneek up on ya?

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

@ARdawg @RockyTopp  Yes you all should get a room and continue your UGA love-fest behind closed doors. Here is the bottom line, neither of you clowns attended UGA. Your only connection to Jawja is the $5 UGA hat you bought from the Clearance Table @ WallyWorld.  Well that and the fact you are both uneducated 'necks with beer bellies and cut-off shorts.

ARdawg
ARdawg

@RockyTopp @ARdawg You wouldn't know shyte or shinola from apple butter. You'd eat all of it, wouldn't you? A Tennessee sister banging, holler dwelling, outhouse feeding letch has no place even discussing my Wally World UGA hat, bucko

Grant1296
Grant1296

Do you actually think anyone clicks on your stupid links POAD ???

Grant1296
Grant1296

Going overboard again Topp...

What happened to "your gonna lighten up a bit" ???

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

@ARdawg @RockyTopp You and your girlfriend, 350 Pounder, sure seem bring up incest a lot. I guess its because your parents are also your aunt and uncle, huh? Way to keep it in the family, weirdo. I would bet your family tree has no forks in it. Squeal like a pig, fatboy.

Dawg350
Dawg350

You are only a genius at being a lonely loser! Hahahaha

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

@Grant1296 Hey Grant....sorry but that 350 Pounder and his man-crush ARDawgface need to be b***hslapped every now and then. I honestly am going to miss you when you have to stop posting in 2 weeks Grant. You are the only misguided UGA fan with some sense on here. Come on over to the Orange side...its really nice over here.

Dawg350
Dawg350

Well come slap me then you pos! You are a loser! UGA will beat the hell out of the vols....it's nice there? Hahahahaha! When is the last time y'all had a winning record? Hahahahahaha

Grant1296
Grant1296

Been told it's nice Top... Have a few orange friends...

As for me.... I'd rather stick my head in a meat grinder...

Just personal preferences I guess...

RockyTopp
RockyTopp

@Grant1296 I have lived in Jawja for several years and have met some really nice educated UGA fans. Then you have the turdbrains like 350 and his boyfriend ARdawgface who make all UGA fans look bad. I guess they would root for their High School teams if they had actually attended.


As for me, I would rather eat a bucket of nails than to root for Jawja...so I know what you mean.

Grant1296
Grant1296

I hope you Vols kick the crap out of Oak...

Make the UGA win over you look a lot better...

Post away top..you don't have much time left...